i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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