you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize