Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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