So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
