Your dad touched me again.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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