You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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