i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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