i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
