: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
It's official drugs can't kill me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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