you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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