It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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