just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
