i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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