I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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