You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize