I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
