WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
