he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
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she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
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Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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