I met the friendliest cop last night
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
