You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
