three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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