I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
