so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
