I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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