what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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