We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
