Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
