Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
