And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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