The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
