I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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