sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I'm too high and old for this...
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
