jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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