u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
