speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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