Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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