I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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