There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
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the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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