I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
