I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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