so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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