That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
