Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
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I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
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Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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