i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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