I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
