I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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