You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
