I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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