I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
