If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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