Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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