If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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