I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
