hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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