If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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