On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
