i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
