apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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