You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
