you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
