I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
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A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
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Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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