Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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