We won't sleep together?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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