I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
