Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
