YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
