Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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