They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
