You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
