I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
