I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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