I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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