thus making me awesome and them whores
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
