So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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