I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
