what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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