Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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