At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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