none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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