If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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