The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Is it penis luge time yet?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
