some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
im holly from the hills drunk
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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