im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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