Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
