Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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