im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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