Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
