My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
